Payton Elizabeth

2 kids, dog, cat and 3 fish...

2011-03-12T09:36:00.002-06:00

Wow... Spring is almost here... Thank goodness...So I got Payton a cat, and lets just say there not so much friends, poor girl cause she does seem to love him so... Matt thought that he would be the great daddy and get her a puppy, so now I have that to clean up after also.. I am still in school a few says a week, trying to get a cleaning business up and going... Matt and I even after all the shit seem to be doing much better, and there was even talk about another baby, and I can't say that I don't want for Payton to have someone to play with, but it just doesn't seem to be happening for us, so fingers crossed it will happen...

The ending to a HELL of a year

2010-11-28T08:21:00.002-06:00

I have to say that I am over joyed that the end of the year is just around the bend... It has been a tough few months in the Rauch/Samek household as I'm sure most of you know.. I am trying to figure out why Matt thinks he needs to go out every weekend? I know that like 4 years ago I was just like that, but now I would rather spend time with my little miss.. I want to think he is going through some age related drama cause he will be turning 30 soon, but he asked me one day if I liked being so miserable? I told him no, and maybe I wouldn't be if he would spend sometime with HIS FAMILY.. I get back well you fall asleep at like 10 and I'm with you guys all day!!!! He has been home from work since last Friday and has went out EVERYDAY since then, even went out the night before thanksgiving and didn't get home till around 11 on thanksgiving day, then proceed to go out again that night.. I'm sure that I am just bitching a little much, but really I didn't think that I was that bad to hang out with. Last night/this morning when he got home, and I thought that maybe we should have a little talk, he said that he was sick of the same talk everyday..blah blah, any who I said that I wanted to take Payton to a movie , and he's like yeah you guys should do that!! You have to be joking, he said that Payton and I need to have some mommy and daughter time...I cried a lot cause I felt like it was him telling me I am a bad mom.. so today I will be taking Payton to the indoor playground , movie and then we are going to get a cat, so maybe I wont be so lonely for Matt when he's gone...

Why do I do this to myself???

2010-09-27T08:51:00.002-05:00

I don't know what to do anymore!! I went to bed last night and everything was fine, Matt comes in at 3 A.M and asked me who this guy was, which in my response he was a friend from the Army, anywho I had had been talking to him over skype cause he is back over seas, and I will be the first to say that some of the things we were talking about were prolly not ok, but it was it is. Well Matt didn't think that it was nothing and told me to get the f out!!! I told him that nothing was between us, but he just wont trust me.. I guess maybe it's time that Payton and I move on and just start fresh.. I just love him more than anything.. I hate this

Life's little tid bits

2010-09-15T08:41:00.002-05:00

Do you think in life that someone can beat you down so much that you just don't get the point anymore? I can remember even just a year ago I felt like a million bucks, and today not so much anymore. When do you think we decide that we have to start doing things for us instead of for everyone else? I enrolled back into school! Yes I know it's something that I go through almost every year, but this time I am going to finish it. and I am not going to let anything stop me.. I was really thinking about what I wanted to write about today but the more I think about it, it might sound a little silly, but here it goes. I know the only way to get back into shape is by working at it, but I feel as though I have NO energy to do so. I was told if I lost some of those extra lbs I would feel better, and I know that is right, but why is it I don't even like to look in the mirror in the morning I started putting a towel over it so I don't have to see myself. The sad thing is I used to LOVE to get myself pretty, what the heck happened to me??

made up my mind!!

2010-09-03T09:24:00.002-05:00

I made up my mind and decided to take the job back west, I can't say right now that I know it is the right thing for Payton and I, but what I do know is that it is something that I have to try.. I found it funny that after I told Matt that I took the job, he is asking if it was something he did? I think that thing that makes this so hard for me, is that Payton has become such a daddy's girl in the last month, but I am going to go back to school and work a M-F job, which will Great for me I will yet again feel like I am doing something good for me and my daughter, and that is all that has to matter right now.. I love Matt more than I could ever tell him, and I hope by me leaving he will finally open his eyes, but if not then I have to deal with the outcome, and I think that I can do that now, I will try and keep this updated.Wish me luck

The answer to my own question...

2010-08-02T09:55:00.003-05:00

Thank you all so much for the great advise, and yes I am the only one that can make the call, I need to stand up for Payton and I, so I have decided that I am going to look for a place and try with everything I can to be out at the end of the month, I came home from watching our nephew over night and Matt has not been home, and he didn't sleep here or anything, so that is where I have to call it, I love him more than anything, but you are all right I don't need this and nor does my baby girl, my mom in her 3rd marriage and all of her husband hit her, i don't want payton to see what I am going through and think that is the way a man should treat a women.. I will keep everyone posted on payton and I's new life.. thanks again for everything..

Lost

2010-07-30T09:28:00.002-05:00

So I in much need for some advise from an outside person. Matt had asked me to move home so he could have sometime, which did Payton and I where gone for 32 days, when we came back he had a girl in our place, and asked me to come back later.. lets just say I was not a happy person at this point, but I did it, and I can even say that I am over the fact that he slept with someone else, don't ask me how or why, but I guess when you are in love you tend to do stupid things. Now moving on, he does whatever he wants and I say nothing I have not asked for any money or anything, last sunday was my birthday and I went out with my girls, and to say the least got wasted and did not make it home till sunday morning, and he tells me that he can not trust me!!! WTF and then 2 days later he goes out after out and does not come home till the next morning, but I can not say anything.. Every year we go down and stay at his parents over the weekend when they have a town party, I asked him if he was going, he said yes then he asked the same about me, I told him yes, then he asked if I would be staying and then again I said yes, so he said that we would not go then. he said that he just wants to hang out with his friend and brother without feeling like I am watching over him.. I feel like he is getting his cake and eating it too. Oh yeah and he is still talking to I don't know how many other girls. I never thought of myself as a girl that would stay around for this crap, but yet here I am, still hanging around.. someone please give me some thoughts..

Mother's Day

2010-05-10T08:26:00.002-05:00

I wish that I could start the weekend over!! It was not a good time. Payton and I went to dinner with Meg on Friday, which might have been the best thing about the weekend. I went out Saturday night with a friend, she ended up going with a guy that she knew from school, so I went home, I got a phone call from a guy that I used to work with in 03ish( I ran into him a few months ago when I was down town). So I know that I am with Matt and I love him more than anything, but as for me being a stay at home mom, I need someone to "want me" as for this boy he knew that I was a mom, but that was it, I never told him about Matt.. cause lets think about this-- who is going to want to talk to a girl that has a child and pretty much married?? I would never do anything to hurt Matt and I, but I just like the feeling that someone wants me, not sure that is the right way to put it, but any who-- So the boy called when I got home on Saturday night, and Matt happened to hear the conversation!! As for me I am in BIG trouble and Matt and I have not talked since Saturday before I went out.. Oh so as for Mother's Day.. yeah that day is hear and gone, with nothing from Matt.. I don't mean a present.. but not even a Happy Mother's Day.. I hate the feeling that I did this and there is nothing that I can do to help make it better..

2010-04-25T09:04:00.002-05:00

Another day has come and gone, I am still looking for a job. Turns out it sucks.. I have been keeping Payton home from daycare, and I hate to say it but my little Princess is a naughty little girl.. I have noticed if I put in the bath and go a get her towel or whatever it might be she will pooh in the tub!! I told Matt this morning after I just got done cleaning the mess up, that he didn't have to worry, cause I didn't want anymore kids!! I know that I do, but I just need to get used to Payton being in her terrible 2s, I always thought that parents were joking when they would talk about this age, but turns out it is NO LIE!! I love getting to stay home with Payton, but if I don't get a job soon I might go CRAZY. Matt said something about me starting a travel business from home. and is much as I might love it, I have a feeling that people wont use a Travel Agent when they can do it all them self.. Any ideas??

Life in a nut shell

2010-04-09T09:03:00.003-05:00

So I realize that in January I said that I would do better to keep this up, and now 3 months later I'm back.. I would like to not start all my blogs with a lot has changed, but in this case it has, a week ago I decided to no longer attend Nursing school, it might have been for my own selfish reasons but either way, it was not for me. On a good note Payton has started walking, she went to grandma and grandpa's for the night and we go and pick her up and she is walking around, I am starting to think I am just going to leave her there if she is being a pill about doing something, cause she started crawling when she was with them also. Matt is a little upset that I will not be going back to school, and all I can really say to that is my heart was just not in it, so for someone that has not worked in 19months I am out looking for a job, which as most people know it's not really the best time for that, but I at least have to try. Easter day we went out to my dad's and had lunch and the kids had an Easter egg hunt, it was fun for everyone, I just wish that days like that would never end, I feel like I have no care in the world--- but then the day ends and the real world comes back into focus..

UpDate

2010-01-08T08:35:00.002-06:00

It's been awhile since I have been on to update things, but I promise I will try and be better. I guess you can say lots of things have changed since Payton's 1st birthday. We moved back to Lincoln, I am still in nursing school- that leaves something to be desired- not saying that I don't wanna be a nurse, but school is just really tough for me, plus I know that Payton LOVES her school, but I get sad thinking that I drop her off in the morning and then don't see her for about 6-7 hours. I feel like I might be going through a change in my life and I am not sure what it is and which way I want to go. I am so thankful that I have Matt and Payton to help me through the tough times in my crazy life, where I am not sure what it is that I want..

The BIG 1st BIRTHDAY/Nursing school

2009-10-15T17:08:00.003-05:00

Oh my goodness, where has the time gone?? Miss Payton had her 1st birthday.. Matt and I had a big party for our little princess. It was so funny to watch her with her cake and trying to open her gifts. When I look at her I am scared that if we decide to have another baby, I wont love them as much as I do her.. I started nursing school in September, it is a lot to do when you have a 1 year old, but I am really excited about school and I know that after I am done it is all going to pay off for me and my family..

The 4th of July

2009-07-09T12:01:00.002-05:00

The family and I went back to my parents house for the weekend, and spent a few days at the lake.. Saturday was not really what we had wanted it to be, but sunday turned out to be a great day, Payton and daddy spent most of the day in the water, because every time you would try and take her out she would get mad.. it was super cute.. So yesterday I was at the all great wal-mart and found this cute little pool with palm tree's and a whale slide, so I got it for my little princess and yet again she did not want to get outta the water..

Seward

2009-06-03T20:07:00.002-05:00

Well the Family moved into a great house in Seward, it is a big change for me, but it also has been great Payton and I have been going on atleast one walk a day if not more.. So maybe I will get that before Payton body back- haha. I have not found to much to do thus far, Payton and I went and got a pedi the other day and it cost me $30!!! and it was giving to me by a 17 year old. I was a little mad seeing how in Lincoln I could get a pedi and a mani for that, but whatever I'll stay mad about it until I can get into Lincoln and get another one, but now I know not to go back there. Other than that everything is good, Matt and I seem to be doing much better now that we are out of Lincoln.. who would of thoughtthat would make such a big change. So I have been watching Jon and Kate plus 8 and it really makes me feel bad, cause I know that in my own relationship I can be a Be with an itch and it really makes me think about what I can do to be a better wife/girlfriend and mother.

Trying to find a New house...

2009-05-06T18:34:00.002-05:00

Matt and I had found a house that was just perfect for us, and the best thing was WE both loved it..Today I got sad news that we were to late, and the house is no longer on the Market... tear.... tear.... So now we keep ;ooking we have until the 31st to find a place and get moving, it seems there is never enough time, maybe if I didn't have so many things that " I have to have", but really give a girl a break. In other news, my little Princess started to sit up all on her own, now when I lay her down for a nap or bed, she sits right back up like she thinks that you should be playing with her. I feel kind of bad for Matt cause she is more like me than I think he knows...hehehe.... Today a friend of mine came over that Payton had never seen before and I was suprised that she went to her as well as she did, she is in her stranger danger mode these days- and sometimes its not even stranger danger, she has grown not to like her GG- Matt's grandma, everytime she tries to hold her all she does is scream and acts like the end of the world. Oh she is my little drama queen... but I can't help but love her

The last month or So.....

2009-04-22T18:32:00.002-05:00

In the last month so many things have changed it is crazy to think it has only been 1 month.. Payton now rolls over like it's nothing, she also is my little chatter box, and loves to have everyone look at her ( reminds me of myself)... I thpught that I would never love anyone as much as I do Matt, but now I have someone that I can never love enough.. I love her so much it hurts sometimes.. We are looking for a house right now, which has been just a blast--not really. we have so many things that we want and just cannot seem to find that place yet. I am excited to watch my little princess in a new place with a yard, and with her buddy Francis- the pug...

Everyone in the house is sick...

2009-03-06T19:48:00.002-06:00

I have to say, I always hated when I was sick, but now its not only me that I have to take care when they are sick, but Miss Payton and daddy.. Let me just say that he is A BIG BABY.. even worse than Payton and she is only 5 months old. I do have to say though I miss when she wasen't sick she would sleep all night and now she gets up a few times.. which really stinks for Matt and I cause we are also sick.. I do feel sorry for my little girl though cause it's not like she knows what will make her feel better, and i don't even know what will make her feel better.. It's kind of wanna those trial and error things.. well wish me luck..

Swimming... So much FUN

2009-03-02T20:16:00.002-06:00

Today I took Payton swimming for the second day in a row.. yesterday her daddy and I took her and we had this bear boat for her-- she didn't seem to like it so much, so today my friend Desa came over with her son Hunter and we went again.. Payton and Hunter raced the pool a few times... They loved it.. Payton bug was so sleepy when we got home she ate some dinner and went straight to bed, with NO FUSS... I think this might be her new favorite thing-- well atleast for a little while..

To BIG for naps...

2009-02-25T21:49:00.002-06:00

At not even 5 months old Miss Payton thinks that she is to big for naps, she will fight it until I have no choice to get her. I should be thankful in a since though, because she does sleep all night, but it makes it a little tough to get any work done during the day. I am very thankful that she a happy little girl, until she realizes how sleepy she really is. I am amazed at how big she is getting every single day right in front of me, I feel so very blessed that I have my little princess.

The tough days

2009-02-13T08:51:00.000-06:00

I'm not going to sit here and say being a stay at home mom is a slice of pie, but thats what I thought before I came one.. I love my daughter EVERY single day, but it can be a little tough sometimes. I am so very lucky that her daddy lets me stay home to be with her and focus on school, you would think it would make things that more easy... No such luck, sometimes a mom needs a break from being a mom, and I feel like Payton's daddy does not always understand that. I have 2 term papers due in the first week of March, and this is when I would love to have the help the most, but must not click in his mind.. Ok enough about that.. Payton is quite the little joker these days, everytime she laughs I can't help myself but to do the same, but I think my little princess has learned the magic of crying.. even has her fake cry down to a tea...

2009-01-30T21:02:00.000-06:00

Today Payton was 4 months old, Matt and I had to take her in for her 4month well child check-up (which really just means shots). The doctor said she is doing great and she is on the right track, she weighed in at 12lbs 5oz, my little pork chop is getting so big.. it makes me said to think how fast she is growing up... So my little Miss had to have 2 shots and in her life thus far I have never seen her turn as red as she did, when they put that needle in her leg, and the tears came rushing like a river, it was so sad, beacuse there was nothing that I could do to make it better for her, but since she has been home, she has just been sleeping, which is good cause for some un known reason she thinks that she is to big for naps. When we got home and I realized that my little girl was growing up I told Matt that I wanted another... I don't think he thought that was such a good idea right now, but either way I loved the look on his face..

Life before and after Payton

2009-01-30T09:34:00.000-06:00

A year ago, I didn't know if I ever wanted a baby, not that I didn't like them, it was just I thought that I liked my life to much without one. I had a great boyfriend who I was going to marry, and I thought that would be it, but then I got the call that would forever change my life. You're going to be a Mommy!! I had so many thoughts going through my head all at once.. I was scared and excited, and the one big question I had for myself almost everyday, was am I going to be a good mom? Every week we saw the Doctor and I saw my little one grow. Each time it became more and more real, that in months I was going to have a baby of my own, and most times it took my breath away. It wasen't that I didn't want to have a baby, but I was told most of my life that if I ever had a baby I would die, so you can say I was a little scared, but the more I thought about it, I wanted to have this baby no matter what the out come. So September 30th 2008 at 7:50am I gave birth to my wonderful daughter Payton Elizabeth. There is not a day that goes by that I am not thankful for my little girl and all that she has done for me.. My baby girl is 4months old today, and I see her change everyday right in front of my eyes.